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Posted by Todd on March 28, 2009

Well, let’s start by saying that Google-ing your own name/handle can be an eye-opening event.

It turns out that I’m not the only DM of Doom out there.  I have used that name so many times for so long on the net that I had forgotten all of the sites where I had used it.  So to weed out the “others” I threw in my name as an extra search string.

For example, I happened upon this little nugget this evening… .  It caught my eye (not only because it contained both my name and DM of Doom, but because I recognized the site as my ex-wife’s.  Did I expect to see anything good when I foolwed the link?  Well, no.  Am I surprised?  Slightly.  Allow me to explain:

Number one:  From the get-go of the post, anyone who knows her (or the situation, the “reason” for the post) knows who I am.  At the very least, the phrase “the ex husbuand” gets the idea across.   Clarifying that with my actual name?  Unneccesary given the stated purpose and audience.  Further clarification with the handle?  Overkill.  Makes me wonder, “why?”

Best I can come up with is a vindictive streak.  Seems like a fairly immature attempt to discredit me, by name, to anyone who might decide to search me up on the net.

Does she have good cause to be upset?  Sure.  Anyone who’s gone through a divorce is likely to feel slighted.  Have I “vented” about the situation online?  Yes.  I have not, however, named names, guaranteeing that anyone looking her up online will get a full dose of distilled frustration that reflects only my side of the story.  To me, there’s a distinction there. 

If any of my friends or former associates want to hear my side, feel free to ask.  I’ll tell you from the get-go that my story is indeed my side of the story and that I fully realize that reality likely lies somewhere between mine and the ex-wife’s distinct viewpoints.  I’m not going to post it up to the world as the only truth to the tale.

Number two:  Whether or not anyone in Florida chooses to believe me or not, I am actually happy to hear that they are doing well.  While the picture has been painted that I was an evil person, seeking their ruin, that is not the case.  Just because a marital situation becomes unteneble, does not necessarily mean that all the love is gone.  I still with for the best for them and I’m glad that the wounds of my departure are healing.

Number three:  Clarification is needed.  Given that at least some of the people asking how things are for them are also folks (I assume) that I knew and have fallen out of contact with me (I doubt that they’d ask her for my e-mail or that she’d pass it along), I think that a slightly more neutral perspective could be given. 

From her post:

When the ex husband, Todd Hersey, aka the ‘DMofDoom’, who lived in his 34 year old’s fantasy world or, copious time sleeping in the bed working his bi-polar moods decided fly away after a day of (lol) deep contemplation in order to be with his mom in Ohio.

Well, the three of us initially thought the outcome would be vastly different then what in reality it has become. We now after time and counseling realize that Todd ’s planned departure started long before we were aware and, we feel nothing would have changed the course of his mental illness and his choices

Without Todd sucking joy and money out of my business and life. Supporting his bad teeth, child support, addictive habits, huge medical insurance, Dr’s visits and prescription costs all with his grand 30 hour work week ( seems to be all the time he could muster up).

OK.  I guess I’ll go point-by-point for clarity’s sake. 

The bipolar factor is hugely overstated, both here, elsewhere, and during the course of the ralationship.  Am I bipolar? Yes.  Is it the main cause of the issues?  Not as presented here.  The role of my manic depression certainly touched upon our relationship, but not to the degree described or the cause of the break-up.  Obviously it’s more complex than that, but if you want me to break into the intricacies of it ask me yourself.  I’m not going to get into in on a public blog.

“Flying away after a day…to be with his mom in Ohio”.  Wow.  I suppose that to a degree I can see where she could get that idea, but that doesn’t necessarily make it the truth.  I decided to pack my bags when I was told point blank that she felt the relationship should end and told the kids I was leaving.  I went to Ohio because I had no where else to go.  (I actually ended up staying with my sister, but that’s jsut splitting hairs at this point.)

“We now after time and counseling realize that Todd ’s planned departure started long before we were aware ”  Again, no.  While the next paragraph in her post refers to doctors visits, it is not clarified that those visits were to a dactor with a Ph.D. in Psychiatry, and that the reason I went was to try to sort out our marriage.  There’s no mention of my asking her to come with me, to try and get help to make the relationship work, and her denial to participate.  I was trying to make it work.  It wasn’t until that final fateful day when I became clear that there would be no compromise and that it was over that I packed to go.

“nothing would have changed the course of his mental illness and his choices”  I have to disagree.  When I spoke with the Psych about the situations going on in our relationship, he gave viable counsel and was interested in seeing her as well, to help up get our relationship back together.  The man has a PhD in psychiatry and years of experience.  I would not dare be so arrogant as to think that I know better or more than he does when it comes to mental health, counseling, etc.  I was alone in that thinking.  It’s a bit of an obvious paradox for her to tell me to seek therapy, then discredit that therapy because it does not fit with what she wished he would have said.  It sent a clear message to me that she was not concerned with my well-being as much as she was with getting me to act the way she desired me to.  So, to sum up, had her reactions and responses to “my mental illeness” and therapy been more caring and conducive to healing our marriage, I would have made very different choices.

“Supporting his bad teeth, child support, addictive habits, huge medical insurance, Dr’s visits and prescription costs ”  Um, I paid my own child support, from my paycheck, from money I earned from working.  That expense has no relevance to “sucking up” her money.  Addictive habits?  Makes me sound like I had a crystal meth habit or something.  I smoke about a pack of cigrattes and drink about a 2 liter of Mt. Dew a day.  End of addiction list.  Total cost per day?  About 5 bucks.  Huge medical insurance.  I wonder if she’s referring to the medical insurace I had that covered both of her children, because it was cheaper to put them on my policy than hers.  Hmmm.  Doctors vists and perscriptions…see above.  And in the cases of addictive habits, doctors costs, and perscriptions?  Let’s just say that both pot AND kettle are both uniformly black.

30-hour work week.  Yes.  I will not deny that operating a landscaping company in one of the more populated areas of illegal immigrant workers taking away our customers left me with maintaining only 4 or 5 properties.  And I will concede that  keeping them up-to-date at a level that I was able to perform with my level of experience and knowledge took about 30 hours a week.  No argument there.

If anyone wants to discuss anything furthur, get in touch.  I’m not going to go any further here, in public.


One Response to “Wow.”

  1. […] morningof the 28th) I happened across it (I’ll explain how in a bit…) and responded here.  No, I didn’t respond to the original post in her comments section.  That would a) be […]

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